How Attachment Shapes the Way We See Ourselves and Others

Our earliest relationships don’t just teach us how to love — they shape how we see the world, ourselves, and the people around us.

When we talk about attachment, we’re talking about the emotional blueprint we develop in childhood — especially in response to how our caregivers attuned to our needs, emotions, and bids for connection. That blueprint doesn’t disappear when we grow up. Instead, it becomes the lens we look through in adulthood.

If love felt safe, we might believe:

• “I’m worthy of care.”

• “Others can be trusted.”

• “I’m allowed to take up space.”

But if love felt inconsistent, rejecting, or unsafe, we might believe:

• “I’m too much / not enough.”

• “I have to earn love by people-pleasing.”

• “If I get close to people, they’ll hurt or abandon me.”

• “I can’t trust my feelings — they’re inconvenient.”

These beliefs often live under the surface — showing up as anxiety in relationships, harsh self-criticism, avoidance of intimacy, or fear of being a burden. They aren’t personality flaws. They’re adaptive strategies rooted in early survival.

The good news? Attachment isn’t fixed.

Our attachment style is shaped by relational experiences — and it can also be healed through them.

That might mean:

• Building relationships where your needs are safe and valid

• Learning to set boundaries without guilt

• Reparenting yourself with compassion

• Noticing your old narratives, and choosing new ones

• Working with a therapist to explore and process your story

Understanding your attachment isn’t about blaming your past.

It’s about giving yourself a chance to live with more freedom, safety, and choice.

Because how you learned to survive… doesn’t have to be how you keep living.