Fuck: Healing Sucks, I Want to Go Back to Being Avoidant

There’s a point in your therapy healing journey where it gets harder, not easier.

Not because you’re failing — but because you’re finally feeling after years or decades of emotional avoidance and suppression.

You start to increase awareness of your pain.

You hear the echoes of your past in places you once ignored.

You notice the grief you used to suppress.

And a part of you — let’s be honest — wishes you could go back.

Back to not knowing, back to numbing, back to “I’m fine.”

But here’s the truth:

You can’t go back.

Because the part of you that chose healing has already crossed a threshold.

You have already outgrown the old skin of your survival strategies.

You’ve already glimpsed your own wholeness — even if you’re not living there yet.

So when the ache hits, when you wish you could “unknow” what you know, remember:

This is what change feels like in your body.

It’s heavy. It’s tender. It’s lonely sometimes.

But it’s yours.

And you are moving forward, even when you can’t yet feel it and the heaviness you're experiencing is temporary. You can reclaim wholeness which includes joy, sorrow, and the entire spectrum of your lived experience.

Love,

Your human therapist