When Parenthood Breaks You: On Losing It, Shame, and the Power of Repair

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No one tells you how loud the guilt can get in parenthood.

The books might prepare you for sleepless nights or tantrums in the grocery store, but they don’t prepare you for the moments you lose it. The moments when your voice rises, your patience snaps, or you find yourself feeling something you’re too ashamed to say out loud:

“I don’t even like my kid right now.”

If you’ve felt this, you’re not alone. You’re not a bad parent. You’re a human one.

Parenthood pulls at every seam of your nervous system. It demands regulation, empathy, presence—all while you’re sleep-deprived, touched out, and carrying the weight of your own unhealed wounds. And when you inevitably become dysregulated, shame often rushes in just as fast:

What kind of parent raises their voice like that? What damage am I doing?

But here’s what matters most: it’s not about never losing it. It’s about what you do after.

Repair is what makes the difference. Coming back to your child with softness, with accountability, with the words, “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I was overwhelmed. I love you. I’m working on it.” These moments teach your child something powerful: that relationships can rupture, and still be mended. That it’s safe to make mistakes and to make amends. They are still loved and they are not responsible for your reactions. Kids watching you practice regulation when you are overwhelmed supports them in building these skills for themselves, too!

Parenthood isn’t about perfection—it’s about practice.

Messy, honest, courageous practice.

And you’re allowed to be in progress, too.