Maybe You Should Cut Back on Coffee,” Says Therapist Holding Her Third Iced Brown Sugar Shaken Espresso and Monster Energy Drink..

Ah, good ol' caffeine...

Elixir of life.

Warm hug in a mug or cold, if you're like me.

The only thing keeping capitalism semi-functional.

Also: anxiety juice.

And yet here we are.

You walk into session, heart racing, voice a little shaky, and I gently suggest,

“Hey, have you considered that maybe five espressos before noon isn’t helping your anxiety?”

All while I’m clutching my third overpriced latte like it holds the secrets to the universe.

Let’s talk about it.

Why Coffee Feels Like a Lifeline

We love coffee for many reasons:

• It gives us energy

• It tastes good (to some)

• It’s ritualistic

• It’s often the only break we allow ourselves

• It makes us feel temporarily productive and powerful (until the crash)

Honestly, it’s one of the last socially acceptable coping mechanisms that looks cute on Instagram.

But here’s the thing…

Caffeine Is a Tiny Chaos Demon for Your Nervous System

Caffeine can mimic anxiety by:

• Increasing heart rate

• Creating jitteriness

• Heightening cortisol

• Disrupting sleep (even 6+ hours later!)

• Making you feel like your inbox is yelling at you

If your nervous system is already on edge — because of stress, trauma, or just living in this world — adding caffeine is like throwing a dance party in your brain when what you actually needed was a nap.

Which brings us to the awkward part.

Your Therapist Knows This

And is also addicted to the bean water or the impacts of the bean water..

I know.

I know.

I literally just told you to track your nervous system states and gently regulate through grounding breath and hydration.

But also, I’ve been up since 6 a.m.

I’ve cried twice listening to Phoebe Bridgers.

I’ve held space for six people’s deepest pain.

And I still have to go to the grocery store.

Let me live.

So What’s the Solution?

Here’s the deal. You don’t have to give up caffeine forever.

You also don’t have to pick between:

• being a wide-eyed, under-caffeinated zombie

• or

• being a shaky, panicked squirrel-person who forgot to eat breakfast

What we’re looking for is awareness and CHOICE.

Try this:

• Notice how your body reacts to caffeine.

• Experiment with timing (maybe not at 3 p.m. if you want to sleep tonight).

• Pair coffee with food. Always. With protein, even better.

• Regulate first, caffeinate second.

And if all else fails? Drink water. You’re probably dehydrated anyway.

Yes, your therapist thinks you might benefit from cutting back on coffee.

Yes, your therapist is still drinking coffee and caffeine drinks..

Yes, this is mildly hypocritical.

No, we’re not going to shame you for needing comfort.

We’re all just doing our best to survive the chaos, one shaky oat latte at a time.